The Continued Journey

As in my last post, I began to update you as to the journey the Lord has led Christa and me through. Here is the next installment, with several more to follow. Enjoy.

Home from Thailand
Friday July 13, after Christa returned from Thailand, we found ourselves in her apartment watching the movie, The Island. Christa was experiencing jet-lag and had dozed off several times beginning at around 7pm. But, at the movie’s end, Christa asked me to share with her some of the things God had shown me when we were apart, as I had hinted several times with eagerness at the fact that I wanted to talk to her.

For some reason I began the conversation by saying, “When I walk out that door tonight, things between us cannot be the same.” Looking back on it, I probably would have started by saying something else, but nonetheless I didn’t waste much time in getting to the point. I proceeded by telling her that about three weeks ago, at SuperWOW, the Lord had led me to commit to love her in a worship service.

I distinctly remember hesitating to tell her during that Friday night, but not experiencing any fear. Rather, I hesitated at the immensity of the word “love.” I did not fully comprehend its meaning at the time, nor do I claim to know it now. However, I had a pure and powerful peace at telling Christa of my love for her. It seemed natural and right that that night was the time to tell her. So I did. Christa did not respond by saying, “I love you too,” and I am quite glad that obligation did not lead her to say something she didn’t mean.

In the past in our relationship, any mention whatsoever of my feelings for Christa seemed to incite an onslaught of attacks from the enemy against me, against Christa, and against us. Therefore, I left her apartment praying against the certain attacks to come.

A Week of Aversion
The following week brought an overwhelming and oppressive series of attacks on Christa and me. From Saturday to Wednesday, I experienced some intense attacks on my mind and emotions. There were times I regretted telling Christa I loved her and times I was mad that she didn’t reciprocate it. My mind was filled with lies telling me that it was a mistake, and the things the Lord did that I was certain about were becoming less and less clear. I struggled with doubting God and His will.

Wednesday rolled along, and Christa and I talked on the phone, as we had not seen each other all day. I could tell Christa was irritated about something, but didn’t know what or why. She told me that she had “an aversion” toward me and that emotionally she simply didn’t want to see me or even be around me. In retrospect, I am not sure why, but I felt almost relieved at her telling me this, as something on my heart had suspected that I was not the only one experiencing a difficult and confusing week. We promptly ended the conversation, and that is when the week became amazing.

In past relationships, a week like this would have become the beginning of the end. I would have stayed on the phone until I had resolution, but resolution usually meant that I made the girl so mad that we broke up—this really only happened once, but had opportunities come, it would have happened more. For some reason, I had a comforting peace that just didn’t make sense. Christa and I didn’t see each other until Saturday and barely talked in between. Being just miles apart physically and not seeing each other was hard, but I knew that the Lord was working in her heart and in mine. So peace gave me the will to persevere.

We had plans to spend the day together on Saturday, July 21—to eat dinner and see the new Harry Potter movie. But, I wanted to be able to express to Christa how much I cared about her and how much I was thinking about her and praying for her over the last few difficult days. So I went to Barnes and Noble and purchased a nice Italian leather journal for her. I wrote a note in the front of it, a prayer in the back, and a series of Scripture verses and prayers on the tops of pages throughout. When I handed the journal to Christa, she was ecstatic, to say the least. She thought it was extremely nice and thoughtful, and come to find out, she was overwhelmed that I wanted to get her something like that after the week that we experienced.

Little did I know at the time that the Lord used this time to further confirm to Christa and me about our future together.

Quite a Car Ride
On Thursday July 26, I spent a day in Fayetteville with Christa and her parents. In the morning, I played golf with her father and in the midst of our round, I mentioned to him that I would like to have an opportunity sometime soon to talk with his wife and him about what the Lord had shown me concerning Christa. He had apparently spoken with his wife that afternoon about what I said, and Mrs. Mary Lynn abruptly asked me at dinner, “What do you want to talk about?” A bit taken aback at Mrs. Mary Lynn’s straightforwardness and unprepared to discuss things then, I realized there were a few things that the Lord had done that I still hadn’t shared with Christa. So I responded by saying that I wanted to talk to her first and then talk with her parents.

So, the car ride home from Fayetteville to Athens consisted of me telling Christa all that transpired the last few weeks about our future. Among those things was the certainty that God had for us to get married, and how that certainty was made manifest to me over the prior weeks. Prior to this conversation, Christa and I had mentioned marriage, but talked about it as a possibility at best. At this point, however, it became clear to us both together, that marriage was not only a possibility, but also a natural step toward completion in Christ.

For me, this conversation with Christa was overwhelming and caused me to worship God for His sovereignty and divine purpose. After telling Christa what the Lord had so powerfully confirmed to me about our future, I made a statement about how I didn’t know why God had not brought Christa to that same point (at this point, I was unaware that the Lord had given Christa the same heart based on previous conversations). Before I could finish, Christa interrupted me by telling me that the Lord had shown her and confirmed to her the same things about our future.

Christa shared with me some stories of what the Lord had shown her in Thailand. What was so amazing was the commonality between God’s work in her heart and His work in mine. One of my main prayers was for God to speak to us the same thing about our future during the last several weeks—to give us the same vision and passion for our future together. The ideas of grad school and global missions came to the forefront of what we both believed God wants for us. We talked about marriage as though it was a part of us, with confidence in God’s plans and will.

The excitement about future possibilities and certainties was evident in both of us, and this conversation clearly served to display God’s faithfulness to His name, plan for kingdom impact through our relationship, and purpose for each other to minister and serve alongside each other.

Checking In

It's been a while since I have typed and shared with others what has been happening with me. It's not that I haven't talked to people about my life, but that I haven't written to others about it. Don't get me wrong, I have journaled, typed, written, and spoken much about what is going on. I guess what I am trying to say is that I haven't blogged and shared with everyone what is happening. I miss that. I miss typing. I miss sharing my heart with everyone. It is my passion to write, type, and share with others of the Lord's work. So, here I am, typing again. It feels like home--a home I have not visited in a while, but one in which I see myself getting comfortable again, even as I write now.

The last time I blogged was October 2...

2006...

That was over a year ago. I hate that. But there is a part of that which I love: A lot has happened in the last year. There is much I cannot explain adequately, but here is a list of the major things that have happened since October 2, 2006:

• I started working as a youth pastor in Greensboro, GA (I've not been ordained or even licensed, but that is just what they call me)


• I graduated college and finished my Speech Communication degree


• I got engaged!

Of course that list leaves out many details. Such details would have been blogged about along the way, but for whatever reason, they weren't. Anyway, I digress. In addition to that brief list, I will add that I have experienced quite a change in myself. The Lord has moved so powerfully that much of me has changed--my outlook on life, my faith, my expectations, my heart, my desires, and so much more. It is not to say that I have given up my passions and my goals, but it is to say that they have been altered. Not lost, but enhanced. For those of you who have not been constantly kept up to date with the day to day details of my life, you might look at me now and say that I am a different person. I assure you, I have always been me, and that will never change. However, I will be the first to tell you that I am changed, and I can only hope that all of you say that when you look back on your life year to year. So it thrills me to know that, as I age, I grow.

Scripture after Scripture teaches us that we are works in progress, that there is something greater for which we still exist. For example:

• Philippians 1:6 "...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."


• Philippians 2:12 "...continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling."


• Hebrews 10:14 "because by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy."


• Philippians 3:12-14 "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."


• Hebrews 6:1-3 "Therefore let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again the foundation of repentance from acts that lead to death, and of faith in God, instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And God permitting, we will do so."

And the list goes on. This is the reason we change--for maturity, for what is ahead, for holiness, for growth, for completion. I echo Paul when I say that I am nowhere close to any of these attributes. But I strive for them. I pursue them. I yearn for them. This is my purpose and my aim.

I wish to share with you a glimpse of what God has done. As I mentioned earlier, I got engaged and am set to be married on January 4, 2008. I cannot wait! My fiance's name is Christa Kirby. She is amazing, and that is the understatement of a lifetime.

How it Began
I want to share with you the journey that has led us here, to the threshold of marriage. To begin, I will cover the basics. Christa and I met at SuperWow summer camps in 2006. We were both on staff and I was her boss. She would tell you that I was "technically" or "sort of" or "kind of" or "more or less" her boss, but I assure you, I was her boss. On paper at least. As getting to know each other began, we found that we didn't much care for one another. She was loud and pushy (or so I thought), and I was arrogant and obnoxious. I wish I could say that those characteristics are on my list of changes, but I am not certain about that. I will leave that to you.

However, as the summer progressed, we developed a mutual respect for each other. I got to see Christa serve in her passions and giftedness, and what a teacher she was (and is!). She observed me as I served an amazing staff at camp. We became friends by the end of the summer and, as we were both finishing undergraduate degrees at UGA, we had an excuse to catch up down the road in Athens. A few months passed, and we began to meet for lunch nearly every week and spoke on the phone quite consistently. By Christmas of 2006 I found that the respect I had for Christa was quickly growing into something more.

We continued to hang out and grow closer, and by February, we were dating. However, Christa always described us as "more than friends, but not engaged." Either way, it was quickly turning into something special. Skipping many of the details, by the summer, we began to recognize that the Lord was preparing us for something beyond all comprehension.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What I would like to do now is offer you segments of our story over the next few weeks. I have most of our story journaled in Word documents and will post them periodically. I hope that you can be excited with us as we continue on this path God has marked out for us.

Two Major Concerns
On Friday, June 29, 2007, I sat down to lunch with my sister, Jessica, at Chick-fil-a at Alps and Baxter in Athens. As had become customary, my thoughts about and feelings for Christa began to surface not long into the conversation. Quickly arising were the sentiments of deep care and connection that I feel so certainly and powerfully with Christa. My sister and I began talking about the fact that I had been led heavily to consider and pursue marriage with Christa.

At that point, I began to voice two of the primary concerns (and pretty much the only reservations I had at all) I had about marriage, which were money for a ring and time before January (when Christa had planned to begin grad school, most likely in Chicago) to propose, be engaged, and get married. The Lord spoke to me about the first concern, the ring, during the lunch with Jessica. By the time in the conversation that I had brought these concerns up, my sister interrupted me and told me that my mother had my grandmother’s engagement ring. Much to my surprise, my grandmother had given my mother the ring years ago to give to me when I was ready to get engaged. This was the first I had heard about it, and honestly I did not give much more thought to this fact until later.

It was not until dinner with Christa that the second concern was addressed. That same night was the night Christa was to return home from Jekyll Island and a week of SuperWOW with 18 middle school students. We went to see a friend who had gone into labor at the hospital and then left to spend the rest of the evening together. Stevi B’s was our stop for dinner, and Christa and I began to talk as we ate potato pizza and drank Barq’s Root Beer. Not far into the conversation, Christa mentioned that she had been thinking about the grad school plan for January. She mentioned that for many reasons—relationships with students in her youth group, the training of a new youth pastor, logic and convenience, etc.—she had been seriously considering doing grad school online for the spring semester while remaining in the Athens area. Among her reasons mentioned was the fact that she was uncertain where our relationship was heading—said in a way to imply that there was consideration for a long-term commitment.

Christa and I watched a movie, said our goodbyes, kissed, and a day or two passed before I realized what happened. The Lord had provided answers to my two primary concerns about what He had laid on my heart—a ring and time for everything to transpire. Before all this happened, I was all but certain Christa and I were supposed to get married. I had asked myself what it would take to make me any more certain than I already was that I should marry Christa, and my answer was that nothing would make me any more certain. As far as I was concerned, I had seen the writing on the wall and heard the voice from heaven. I felt confident that the Lord wanted me to spend the rest of my life with her, but the logic of it didn’t pan out. That was where God stepped in and completely addressed and took care of my two primary concerns.

What was really amazing about all this was the fact that I don’t recall ever taking these two concerns to God in prayer. It was not that I doubted God and didn’t want to pray about it. In fact, God had answered or shown me that he was answering my prayers concerning my relationship with Christa. It was simply that I never really took these concerns to Him in prayer. I am not certain why, but when I considered what He had shown me and that I never really prayed about it, God spoke to me in an amazing way. I felt that He was telling me that He would have His glory and be God whether I asked Him to or not. He did not need my permission, and He did not need my prayers (although my prayers helped me to align myself with what He had in store to begin with). He was showing me that He was God on His own and for His name’s sake. This instance showed me that God was in everything, specifically the relationship with Christa and me, for His glory and not for my pleasure. This relationship is not just to please and satisfy Christa and me, but it is most importantly to bring glory to God.